I like to keep my blog real and yesterday I had real moment of looking in the mirror at a changing room to purchase some new fresh shirts for this season’s crochet shows.
It’s no shock to anyone that I have gained weight. The bottom line is that I am not exercising or making proper food choices. In my relationship, Daniel and I are pretty easy going about our weight as our weight doesn’t define our happiness. Having said that, in public we do feel self conscious and sometimes… even in embarrassed.
In my 20’s, I had gained a lot of weight and lost over 80 lbs over a year and a half. I was at a size 40 waist and was able to knock myself back to 32″. I cannot physically get any skinnier than 32″.
Here I am today, 38″ waist and I am almost back to the same weight I was in my 20’s. This time, I have a few problems. I am extremely distracted, yes addicted too, by the Internet to get myself offline to go for a walk or do things that may be more constructive.
During my pant try ons yesterday, One of the 38″ didn’t fit and I had to go to 40″. I looked in the mirror as the size tag was clearly obvious. My heart sank and I thought… if I continue down this same path, I am going to be larger… when do I have to have a mental breakdown to wake up to change my life up to prevent myself from gaining more weight? I work all day, then crochet all night so I have topics of discussion and projects for my daily routine of my job. I’m in a viscous cycle.
To our sadness, there are some stores where both Diva Dan and I can no longer shop at. The sizes don’t go that high… Le Chateau is one of our favourite places but we can no longer fit into their clothes. Their sizing doesn’t go this high.
It got us thinking… “Where is the line!”. As we get bigger, the choices of the fashionable clothes become a memory as the styles in the larger men’s clothes becomes more generic and dare I say… boring as can be!
So the truth is… the answer is that I cannot expect the fashion industry to change. I have clothes that I cannot fit into anymore. I have fabulous clothes that would be suffice but I have gained too much weight to fit into them. The real answer is that I need to get serious about kicking off some weight.
My knees hurt more, I’m not as flexible and so forth. In fact, I’ve been noticing that comfort level with crochet is changing as my stomach is further out than before.
I find myself stressed a lot of the time to keep up with the pace of The Crochet Crowd. An idea that was merely a hobby has turned into a full time job. Seriously though, I could use several people to help me here at The Studio but obviously I don’t make enough money to support that idea. If money were no object, I am sure there would be a team of at least four of us here to keep up with the demand.
So I have to get real, get honest and so forth… The real situation happened when we got home yesterday. Though the size of shirts were suppose to fit, every shirt I bought that I tried on at home yesterday were too small! I was devastated to be quite frank with you.
So the answer is that the only person that needs to change is myself. If I want the clothes to be more fashionable, I have to take care of myself. If I want to feel better about myself, it’s me that has to change. I’m huge believer that was can control a portion of our life’s experiences, but it’s up to use to guide the path in the direction we need to go. Change starts right now… not at 6pm tonight, not tomorrow but immediately.
I need to get myself back on track. Rule Number 1… I honestly have to stop drinking Coke and Dr Pepper! It gives me an artificial high feeling to keep my energy going but this is where I fall down. Daniel guilts me with every pop I drink and I feel the guilt even when he’s not around. It puts me in a false happy place and I am really upset that I am so addicted to it. In the effort to put me in a false happy momentum, it’s in turn adding inches and 16 Tablespoons of Sugar with each drink. I quit pop in the my 20’s which helped me loose my 80 lbs… I have to seriously do this again to begin a better path for myself.
This is how I am feeling today! A bit down, overweight and as I say to Daniel, “I feel like a flub today!” Though Daniel and I know the right path… we have to put our thoughts into action and do this together. It’s the only way.